The story of the Painkiller is really three stories in one. The unholy trinity that makes up too much of our tropical narrative thus far. Colonialism, contrivance, and Capitalism. The first represented by the British Royal Navy. The history of British impact on Carribean rum is irrevocable. And the facts are the facts and so it goes.

Hoist the mainsail, gallants and royals!  

The version of rum as we know and love it began on the windward island of Barbados where they mastered the progression of sugar-molasses-rum. Before which the molasses byproduct of sugar refinement was simply discarded into the ocean. Bajans were out there doing their thing creating rum and sexy dancing, but what kills every dance party? White people show up. Upon establishing colonies on the island British explorers not only discovered the financial benefits of sugar and the pleasures of palatable rum, but were also introduced to the exotic flavors of pineapple juice and feral pig.  

Moving west through the Caribbean the next event relative to our story was the capturing of the Jamiacan city of Port Royal by Captain Henry Morgan. The higher alcohol content of Jamaican rum appealed to English sailors and the ease of shipping to London caused Jamaica to surpass Barbados as the port of favor. Port Royal, in its own right, attracted a different type of sailor becoming the first true pirate haven in the Caribbean. 

Eventually raw Jamaican molasses was shipped to be distilled into rum in London. This never truly yielded that authentic Caribbean flavor but it did give rise to what we know as British Navy Rum. In fact, British style is still a classification of rum, which includes Jamaican, Guyana, and Trinidad rums, respectively. Spanish style being your Cuban and Puerto Rican rums. French of course, the agricoles. 

The final leg of British impact on rum comes in the form of rum rations. Included as part of a sailor’s wages, rum rations were distributed daily mainly to pacify long nights at sea. Much in the same way some of us used rum rations to pacify long days of quarantine in 2020. In using fruit juice to assuage the harsher rums it was Her Majesty’s Navy that first discovered the link between citrus and scurvy. English sailors began trading their other rations of salt or bread for sour citrus fruits giving to the origin of Brits becoming known as “limeys”. 

But it was the temperate ingenuity of one naval officer that eventually brought us the modern Navy rum and the advent of what some claim to be the original cocktail. Admiral Edward Vernon always wore a coat made from a heavy material known as grogham, earning him the nickname “old Grog”. Vernon was growing more than a little concerned regarding his men’s indulgence in the alcohol laden navy strength rum and began ordering his rum rations diluted with water, sugar, and lime juice in a drink which became known in 1756 as Grog. 

The inclusion of lime juice branded this concoction as preventative medicine. (Maybe that’s how we get people to take vaccines!)  These rations were doled out by the person in charge of pay, the purser. Or in British parlance of the time, pusser. In 1810 the official recipe of blended rums from Trinidad and Guyana was a national secret of the Royal Navy. The tradition of issuing rum rations continued for 325 years till 31st July 1970 when on a day known as Black Tot Day the last rations of rum were handed to sailors who raised a glass, took a sip, and rolled the remaining barrels of Royal Navy rum overboard into the sea. A moment of silence for all that fallen rum. …

That was that. That is until 1980 when Parliament granted the formula and the rights to Navy rum to an American (whaa?) named Charles Tobias who subsequently started the Pussers Rum company. Splice the mainbrace, mates! Royal Navy rum lives on. 

The second facet of our trinity takes us to the island of Jost Van Dyke in the British Virgin Islands. Those of us inclined to recline in tikidom all know the names Donn Beach, Trader Vic, Harry Yee, and Joe Scialom for their venerable rumgenuity. Folks like Steve Crane and Martin Denny for providing the atmosphere. Jeff Berry and Martin Cate for keeping it alive. But what of those one off rum rooms, beach shacks and tiki joints along with the countless inspired bartenders and owners who brought us some of the most iconic tiki and tropical classics? Those islands in the stream. Maybe they didn’t franchise or become a giant hotel chain but they fit as an adjunct yet vital part of our tropical narrative creating drinks that live in infamy. 

Thus so was Daphne Henderson. Not much in the way of history is known about her little beach bar in White Bay on the island of Jost Van Dyke (JVD). We know it was open circa 1970 and its most famous fact is that there was no dock in the bay of crystal clear water and white powder beach. Can you imagine? To swim ashore, dragging through the tide to walk out of the waves onto a sandy beach and directly up to a bar to order a rum?!! How inconceivably, piratically awesome would that be? Bucket list for me, baby. This was exactly how island hopping patrons had to approach Daphne’s place. Because there was no dock, thirsty sailors were forced to anchor down and swim ashore, slapping down wet money, giving this place its famous name; The Soggy Dollar Bar. 

The Soggy Dollar became a go-to destination for those who could, and spawned a plethora of knock-offs for those who couldn’t. Adirondack chairs point their visage towards a crystalline bay that to this day still has no dock. But it’s like Jeff Goldblum taught us, in the chaos theory of the tropics, tourists find a way. These days the ferry from Tortola or St. Thomas makes visiting the Soggy Dollar a little easier while maintaining a barrier to entry that keeps the riff-raff out. Or, in, rather. Either way they all come to enjoy that famous drink Daphne Henderson created sometime in the early 1970’s. The Painkiller. 

One of those saturated sippers that frequented Soggy Dollar happened to be Charles Tobias, owner of Pusser’s rum. Ol’ Chuck became obsessed with Daphne’s drink, the Painkiller. He inquired for years about the recipe, which she was quite resolute in not giving away. And so it came to pass that Tobias eventually managed to abscond with a Painkiller, somehow keeping it above water as he swam back to his boat, taking it home and deconstructing it in the most ridiculous case of reverse engineering time spent since sceptics tried to debunk the moon landing. Seriously, this guy made it his mission at nuasium to figure out this concoction. Eventually he not only thought he figured it out, but improved it. The only way to empirically prove whose was better? Obviously… a taste competition. Man, people in the tropics have a ton of time on their hands. Ten patrons were selected, a round of Tobias’ recipe and a round of Daphne’s were each distributed. And the verdict? Tobias won ten out of ten, as he tells it.

Which brings us to the final tenant of our trinity. You may have heard the Painkiller referred to as the Pusser’s Painkiller. This is because, in 1989, Pusser’s trademarked the Painkiller cocktail making it illegal for any establishment to place it on their menu unless of course it was made with Pusser’s Rum. 

Let’s talk about that for a minute. This isn’t unheard of. The Dark n Stormy comes to mind. To call it a Dark n Stormy on a menu the bar must use Goslings rum. Sazerac, and Hand Grenade (which I’ve never even heard of), make up the remaining of the only four trademarked cocktails. But trademarking doesn’t only prohibit variations of ingredients, it also secures a standard preparation. The Mojito is not trademarked, but if you like the way they make’em at Applebee’s you’re probably not gonna like one from the Paris Cafe in Havana. There’s a valid argument that this is a good thing. When I see a Painkiller on a menu I know it's going to taste like I expect. 

Most of the time these legal bindings have work-arounds or bar owners just work in unison with brands. But, Pusser’s wasn’t joking around. In 2010 Pusser’s went after a bar in New York named Painkiller, offering their version of the titular drink. The verdict on this one? Well, the bar is now called PKNY. Presently, the world of cocktalia has leveled out to a symbiotic relationship. Most places that would offer a Painkiller would probably carry Pusser’s anyway, or one could offer a Painduller, Anxietykiller, or any number of variants meant to mollify your malignants. 

Personally, I believe there should be some clemency allowed for the posterity and progress of the genre, but I also don’t like all these “our versions” of drinks popping up all over the place. Just make the drink the way I expect it to be, or call it something else. So, in the end. Maybe I fall somewhere in between. As I do on most issues much to the chagrin of my wife. Charles Tobias himself admits, he didn't invent the drink. Graciously, he allowed Daphne to continue serving her Painkiller and to be fair, does give her credit in the marketing.   

Well, now that we’ve gone through that. I have gone through a painstaking amount of Painkillers in the past few weeks only to land on the decision that the original Pusser’s recipe is indeed the best. So, I guess Charles Tobias won eleven out of eleven taste tests. Let’s make a drink! 

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I don’t reckon we’ll ever truly know Daphne’s OG recipe. Mostly because none of the prominent cocktail historians seem to care too much about finding it. All my usual references all defer to the official Pusser’s Painkiller recipe. So, that’s where we’re going to start. 

2 oz Pusser’s Rum

4 oz Pineapple Juice

1 oz Fresh Orange Juice

1 oz Coconut Cream

Nutmeg 

Sometimes lime juice comes into play, but we’ll get to that. The ingredients are pretty straight forward so let’s start where one should, with the rum. 

Before Tobias, Daphne most likely used a dark Virgin Islands rum. Maybe something from Trinidad or Guyana, where Pusser’s is currently produced. I’ve tried it with Jamaica rum to keep the original tie to the Royal Navy, but it only works if you use a not-so-funky rum. And we all know when it comes to Jamaica rum I like all the funk. Did you know that the proliferation of Jamaican rum through British Government is where the band Parliament Funkadelic got their name? And that’s a fact I just made up. Though Guyana is in South America it is closely culturally associated with the Caribbean. Just south of Barbados and Trinidad, Guyana’s capital of Georgetown was a major British hub and remains a tourist destination for colonial architecture. Guyana rum has great full body characteristics and flavor profile somewhere between Barbados and Jamaica. I’m not able to find the Pusser’s 15yr around me and to be honest I don’t see myself spending $100 on a bottle of rum. And being the kinda guy who enjoys making memories not losing them, I’m a bit apprehensive about Pusser’s overproof, which they call “Gunpowder Proof”. Look, I know overproof has its place. I cut my teeth on Wray ‘n’ Nephew in Jamaica, and next time I make Zombies I will probably use the Pusser’s Gunpowder seeing as how I don’t really like LemonHart 151.

I just don’t see the modern rumheads’ fascination with sipping overproof rums? What’re you trying to prove? “Ooh, it’s got a nice spice!” No, that’s not spice. That’s burn, from too much alcohol. That’s what it feels like when you pour straight alcohol on your tongue. I’m not hating, I’m just saying we saw the same thing in the craft beer world a few years back, right? Everyone was chasing the triple IPAs. Go to a local brewery now and see the focus has shifted to lagers or session ales. In the premium cigar world we see folks work their way up to the heaviest smokes they can get till eventually settling in somewhere around a medium profile. Just make sure you’re drinking what you like and not what you're supposed to like. Personally, I really like regular Pusser’s Rum. Great full body flavor whether sipping or in a drink. 

Coco Lopez holds up as the industry standard for coconut cream and it’s pretty easy to find in the supermarket. For a full rundown on coconut cream check out our Pina Colada episode. Fresh orange juice is pretty easy to make with a small manual juicer. If you can find whole nutmeg to grate, that's great… but powdered stuff from the spice isle is fine too. 

That leaves pineapple juice. The pineapple and I have found ourselves at something of an impasse. I have great fondness and respect for the noble ananas. It has served me well in all my potions. Yet, concurrently it plagues me. I’ve pureed it. I’ve squeezed it. I’ve cooked it and smooshed it. How in the holy name of Francis Drake do I get fresh pineapple juice out of a pineapple? Somebody please help me. I have the fancy Ninja food processor set and all that does is leave me with a mass of pineapple paste. I guess I have to go and get a separate tabletop juicer with the pulp catcher and all that. 

When I am able to procure fresh pineapple juice through my undaunted efforts it does indeed enhance the flavors of orange juice and rum in this drink. Worth it, but it’s such a giant pain in the ass to render fresh pineapple juice… wait-a-minute! That must be why Daphne Henderson named this drink the Painkiller. Because you need a stiff drink after juicing a pineapple. Anyway, Trader Joes makes a pretty good unsweetened 100% pineapple juice and a lot of grocery chains now are offering high end 100% not from concentrate juices by various brands. Just try to use it in a few days after opening as being all natural with no preservatives or additives means it lasts about a week. But, they are pretty good. 

Ya’ll know I’m a sucker for using the correct glassware. When you’re sailing in the deep, you need the correct vessel. The Painkiller fits nicely into a Mai Tai glass, and personally I think the high-tropical flavor is a perfect opportunity to break out your favorite tiki mug. But alas, there is a British Navy Pusser’s Rum brand mug. I can imagine an ol’ English sea dog sipping his daily grog ration from a crude 17th century version of this handled tin mug. The metallic clicks as a toast rings out to good Admiral Vernon. One such toast can be found printed on the back of the mug, “To sweethearts and wives, may they never meet!” Yeah … 17th century British Navy men? Not exactly what you’d call woke. What do you do with a drunken sailor, indeed. Drink like a pirate, don’t think like a pirate. Notwithstanding, the Painkiller does fit perfectly in this mug spangled with the Pusser’s Rum label and the tin helps keep it cold. Of course, if one wanted to truly pay homage to Daphne’s libation they could swim up to the Soggy Dollar Bar and order one in their cups which read, “the Original Painkiller”. 

Preparation for this is pretty simple. In a cocktail shaker add 2oz Pusser’s Rum, 4oz pineapple juice, 1oz coconut cream, 1oz orange juice, and 1 ½ cups of cracked or cubed ice. Like anytime we use it we really want to shake hard to froth up that pineapple juice. Then pour that whole thing, ice and all, into your mug and dash a little nutmeg on top. I like to garnish with a mint sprig and a slice of pineapple. (Actually, my favorite garnish is a Pod Tiki paper umbrella! Info on how to get some coming soon.) 

In the first sip the heavy richness of coconut is prevalent. As the drink mellows the sweet tropical complexity of pineapple becomes present. I mean, pineapple and coconut are like the ocean and the sand. You can’t have the beach without both. The orange juice flavor is nearly nonexistent, but that’s only because it goes so naturally with pineapple. I wouldn’t call this drink balanced, per say, it does lean heavily into tropical island expectations, but the orange juice works to elongate it a little. Otherwise, it’s simply a pina colada on the rocks. 

There are some versions that attempt to add balance and refinement, the SugarHouse recipe is very nice. But messing with the proportions and adding ingredients makes the drink very thin and punch-like. And we wouldn’t want to depreciate all of Charles Tobias’ time spent figuring this recipe out. That would be like saying Christopher Columbus didn’t discover America! So what if he thought Jamaica was China, easy mistake. I will say though that I don’t mind the standard recipe with about a half ounce of lime juice. It mitigates the heavy richness of coconut cream and actually brings out the other fruit flavors. But I almost want to say it makes it a different drink, as the Painkiller is meant to be a coconut laden libation. Oh, and dash a little angostura on top - Oh no! I’m doing that thing I complain about where people make their own version of classic drinks. I guess if you do something long enough you become what you hate. See, this is why people trademark cocktails!  

 All in all I am very impressed with this drink and dare I say so is Mrs Pod Tiki. A simple four ingredient recipe that’s easy to prepare and exhibits a classic tropical flavor, the Painkiller has definitely earned a spot in our cocktail rotation. Make up a batch and take it to the pool, or float an extra shot of rum atop and make it a nightcap. I’m categorizing this as a tiki drink, due to the qualities it shares, but really this can belong to the Boat Drinks or Tropical Drinks monakers as well. Either way it’s like an island party in your mouth. Just be careful swimming back to your boat after a few Painkillers, lest you truly feel the pain. 

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One more thing before I head out. Beneath my irreverence I hope you know my jokes are all in good fun. For all my soap boxes I do try to keep these fun and light and I just like bustin’ chops. But as we talk about a drink called the Painkiller I feel this is a good spot to mention something. Here at Pod Tiki we use drinks to help us tell stories, and yes, we also enjoy our cocktails. It’s easy for the romance of a lifestyle to become a poor excuse, so I urge all of you to drink responsibly. And, if you or someone you know struggles with opioid addiction please do not be afraid or ashamed to at least talk to someone. We can’t get folks to take the medicine that will keep them alive, while others are plagued by ones that are killing them. Unfortunately, all too often they come from the same place. Let’s keep ourselves and each other safe. May your dollars stay soggy, and keep it tiki out there. 

Credits: Beachbum Berry Remixed - Jeff Berry, And a Bottle of Rum - Wayne Curtis, Pussers.com, Liquor.com, RUM - Tom Neijens & Isabel Boons